If you want to save your marriage, you must fight for your relationship the right way…
When I first meet a person or a couple, I usually see the way they are fighting for the relationship, is making matters far worse.
This is usually the case because the way they are fighting to save the relationship has foundations in the reason the marriage failed.
They can see what they are doing isn’t working, but confused and afraid, they will battle on eroding the very thing they want to keep.
You see many people fail in their fight to save their relationship because their focus is on themselves.
They are focused on their loss and their pain, and this is a cast iron way to ensure failure.
So, as they take action, they are motivated by what they need more than what their partner needs. This is called a fail strategy.
The problem with this strategy is our focus is on ourselves, and this is likely to be what killed their connection in the first place.
So, whilst the fear of losing the relationship is understandable, we simply can’t use the model that killed our relationship to save it.
I had a family member came to me with a question, they asked “how will I know when I’m ready for marriage?”
I said, “You will know when your partner’s needs are more important than your own.”
A marriage with a foundation of love isn’t about “me”; it’s about the person you want to love.
You can’t be successful at saving a marriage if you put your own needs at the centre at the same time.
The right way to enter a relationship is with the desire to care for and love another person.
Your focus must be on how you can help and support them.
The person who enters the marriage with a focus on what they are going to get won’t ever get very much!
So, the skill of rebuilding a marriage or saving a marriage from divorce is in the understanding of how to bring out the best in my partner for them.
You see, if someone loves how they feel about themselves when they are with you, they will gravitate towards you.
In contrast, the person who meets their needs outside of the relationship will wonder what the relationship is for.
So unless the person stops putting their focus on themselves and their own pain and suffering and puts their focus on learning how their partner’s emotional system works, the marriage will always fail.
Some people are so focused on themselves that they turn their relationship into a transactional business.
The process of if I do this for you, what will you do for me kills intimacy, connection, attraction and sexual connection.
So the mission is simple – unless there is a clear understanding of how to get the best out of your partner for them, they will keep attaching bad feelings to their partner.
This skill is the skill all couples should learn from day one. Sadly, most don’t. They seem to only be ready to learn when they are about to lose everything.
So, if you want to stack the odds in your favour and don’t know what to do, then now may be a good time to start.
