Are you out of control? Is the world responsible for not giving you the life you think you deserve? Clients come to me with a massive range of personal and relationship problems. One of the questions I ask is how do they create their own feelings.
So if a client has anger, or depression, or a fear, the question is…/h3>
- How do they do depression?
- How do they create anger?
- What has to happen for fear to be possible?
- What has to happen within them for those states to be possible?
Are you in control of your life or do you live constantly in reaction out of control?
Many people feel that situations create their feelings or someone else makes them feel a certain way, if this were a fact then if 100 people were subjected to the same situation they would all feel exactly the same way. Of course this is not possible because 100 people would experience something totally different no matter what was presented to them.
So this means that all individuals create totally unique experiences, and so their feelings and emotional responses are created by them, and not by the external event.
So when someone is shouting at you “YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY” you know that it is their interpretation of what you have done that has created a version of them that is angry at you. You did not create the anger within them, they did.
- Do you really believe that you are so out of control that someone else has the power to control you? Or is the real truth that you are allowing them to control you? Because that’s a big difference.
Whilst people are in these poor states, if you tell them that they are responsible for how they feel it usually results in a negative response. However once they see this to be true then they start to see that if they are creating their emotions and responses then maybe there is a possibility that they can control them.
This then sets them free from all of their suffering as they start to practice the reverse of what has been making them feel so bad.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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