When a couple comes to see me it’s highly likely they have been suffering for a while so I do expect both people to have lost sight of who they really are in their marriage.
One of the challenges I see again and again is when a woman has taken on masculine energy, unaware of its impact on the marriage.
To be clear, men can play a significant role in women becoming masculine, but that will not be covered in this post.
Masculine energy can be very useful for women, or it can be destructive without their knowing it.
Masculine energy can be useful so she can protect and stand up for herself and her children. It can be useful in business. I know and admire many very powerful women in business.
In many ways women really don’t need men, today women can even have children without a man.
So the question “what do you need a man for?” usually raises some interesting responses.
I asked this question of a very successful businesswoman.
Initially, she was stuck with an answer.
She was stuck due to her past problems of being sexually abused. She made a decision as a child that she had to protect herself, and shutting down emotions stopped the pain of not being protected.
So she also became a great provider for herself through a passion for business resulting in money to keep her safe.
So she really didn’t need a man, but she was with me because she wanted one and the men she was attracting were naturally more feminine or they became that way to please her.
She could control them, which she liked but she never respected them for that.
When a woman comes into a session one of my questions is going to be, is she naturally masculine or has she become this way in her either through problems in her marriage or some profound event where self-protection was needed?
- If a woman is naturally masculine then that is her home and where she is happiest.
- If a woman is naturally more feminine but has become masculine as a means to protect herself then she is going to be suffering – this happened to so many women.
This suffering can be seen through depression, stress, anxiety and a powerful need to control.
It’s important to understand…
… women becoming masculine and self-protective is not the problem. The problem is if she feels she has to live there to be safe or has become stuck there without knowing.
When a feminine woman becomes stuck in masculine energy, she will see her husband as either controlling, or weak, as a bully, or another child to look after.
Either way naturally feminine women who have become masculine for whatever reason can struggle with trust, intimacy and can lose attraction and feelings of love.
In fact, a woman that lives here too long can suffer so much here she can struggle to see the point of the relationship.
Many women who have been masculine in their marriage can be shocked out of their masculine energy by another man. Yet when they go home to their husband, they become instantly masculine again.
This doesn’t always mean an affair, but she will ask questions as she naturally connects to her happier, natural feminine self at that moment.
- Some women become masculine to protect and keep their family together; it’s then no surprise to see them seeking help or a divorce once the children leave home.
- Some women become masculine because, growing up, the mother gave the daughter her fears.
- Many women become masculine because they avoid being vulnerable when there is no real danger, and this kills the marriage.
- Some women become masculine as men give up their masculinity as a means to please her. “if she’s in control, she’s happier!?”
- Some women become masculine because this is their emotional home, and it is where they want to be.
The best emotional place a woman can reach is where she feels free to be truly connected to herself and is loved no matter what.
As I said at the start of today’s post, men can play a significant part in helping women become masculine without knowing.
However, both people are responsible for understanding what has been happening and bringing out the best in each other.
One lady I’m seeing was so shocked at the way she had taken control of her marriage and shut her husband down she realised she has also taught her daughters her fears and created young masculine women without knowing.
She is now empowered to free them and is delighted she is now helping them learn a safer way to be safe.
The key question is understanding if the masculine energy is present due to fear or is it simply where she is happy.
