Marriage should be a place of love and companionship. But the truth is, it can also be incredibly challenging if you don’t know how to build the foundations that allow the connection to work long-term.
When your marriage is in crisis, the key to healing lies in pausing, stepping back, learning why you have problems, and pressing reset.
No matter how difficult life is today, nothing is ever permanent. Change is guaranteed, so learning how to take charge of that change by understanding where to put your focus is crucial.
Couples who have suffered must create a new relationship. Give yourself a fresh start and learn how to set the foundations correctly so you can build a platform where a relationship can thrive.
This isn’t about placing blame or finding fault. It’s about clearly seeing what’s most important. It’s about stripping back the noise and the need to be right and connecting to the truth, which is the most crucial goal.
Helping a couple out of their marital crisis is about understanding the truth of their dynamic, helping them accept where they are, getting them to take responsibility for their part, and showing them a path to understanding what is possible for them.
Step 1: Understand Yourself
Before you can truly reconnect with your partner, you need to understand your connection with yourself. This is why married couples are joining my program as a couple but starting their process with me individually before we do any couple’s work.
This starting point is critical to allow private gender-specific education for each person.
You see if you put a couple in crisis in the same room to share their problems without understanding, you will only get two people wanting to protect themselves from each other, so it’s not a helpful strategy.
A disconnect in yourself will always bring a need and a demand for your partner to change so you are emotionally safe. This puts stress on a marriage and usually creates resentment/disconnect.
Your emotions, desires, and fears are the building blocks of your relationship with yourself. Often, the issues in a marriage reflect our own inner conflicts. Taking a moment to reflect on your own values, needs, and vulnerabilities brings clarity.
Self-awareness and a desire to become curious are the foundations for a stronger, more resilient marriage. Add into this a process of understanding your partner, and you’ll be on your way to understanding your truth.
Step 2: Understand Your Partner
Your partner’s needs are just as important. Daily life’s chaos can drown out their cries for attention, affection, or support. Stepping back lets you see these signals differently and respond with empathy and compassion.
The most critical skill for a couple to learn is to understand their partner’s needs and why they are different from their own.
Your partner is supposed to be different; the skill is understanding those differences so they can be used as strengths. Many people see their differences as wrong; it is a significant mistake to only see sameness as the route to love.
Sameness creates connection, but it’s the differences that creates passion. The skill is in keeping them both alive. The pitfall most suffer from is the way they do connection kills passion, and with others, the way they do passion kills their connection.
When partners move beyond surface interactions and see the deeper moving parts, they can truly listen and see each other without the need to self-protect.
When both partners strive to understand and meet each other’s core needs, healing begins.
You see, what matters to your partner must matter to you.
Step 3: A Shared Vision for the Future
Rediscovering and sharing your dreams reignites the spark that brought you together. Dreams can be buried under daily responsibilities. Unearth them. Plan future adventures. Set new goals. Imagine a better life together. A shared vision creates unity and purpose.
Understanding your vision is directly related to learning about what you value, as this becomes a compass for your life. Being able to predict your feelings in a future self enables you to effectively design an exciting life to step into.
In fact, designing the future correctly can have a profound effect on who you become today.
Step 4: Embrace Imperfection
Marriage isn’t perfect. Problems are normal. Every relationship has ups and downs. Expecting perfection always leads to disappointment. So embrace the imperfections. See challenges as growth opportunities. This mindset transforms conflict into a chance to strengthen your connection.
In essence, expectations are responsible for so many problems because people have the model the wrong way around.
The correct model is that your expectations must only be of yourself. If you put your expectations on others, it’s the fastest way to lose control of any situation.
Step 5: Care About Each Other’s Feelings
Empathy is the glue holding your relationship together. Deeply caring about your partner’s feelings creates safety and trust. Emotional connection helps you weather life’s storms together. So be each other’s biggest supporter. Celebrate successes. Provide comfort in tough times.
In essence, you must have your partner’s back.
Step 6: Always Have Each Other’s Backs
Having each other’s backs is the ultimate commitment. Stand by your partner, especially when times are tough. Be a team. Face challenges together. Knowing you have unwavering support builds a resilient, enduring marriage.
This tells your partner that you always see who they are and you’ll never be their judge.
In moments of crisis, it might feel like your marriage is unravelling. But by pausing, stepping back, and pressing reset, you can rediscover your relationship’s truth. This process is about understanding, empathy, and growth driven by curiosity to learn more.
Every marriage has a unique journey with its own struggles. But with patience, effort, and a commitment to understanding and supporting each other, a marriage in crisis can become a stronger, more fulfilling partnership.
Pause, reflect, discover and reset. Your marriage is worth it, so give your marriage the best today.
