Have you ever wondered why relationship problems can seem so difficult to solve?
Communication breakdowns, unresolved conflicts, loss of love, passion and infidelity can all have highly complex foundations, so fixing these problems can seem impossible to break through.
This means that people either try to fix the wrong problem or try to fix the right problem the wrong way.
So many are lost; to be fair, I can see precisely why it’s so easy to get stuck and assume the problems are impossible to solve.
Some people look at their emotional connection in overly simplistic ways, while others can overcomplicate their problems.
The challenge many struggle with is knowing what to do and then how to do it.
Below is a small snapshot of the approaches I’ve had to use to help couples out of crisis. The tools and strategies I use are very different for every couple, as each situation differs.
1. Relationship Literacy (Your Knowledge Base)
What you know about relationships defines how you show up.
Most people operate from a reactive survival model inherited from childhood.
They’re not broken — they’re uninformed.
Their training includes building a new understanding of:
– Communication models (conflict resolution, listening frameworks)
– Masculine/feminine dynamics
– Emotional responsibility rules
– Relationship design and purpose
Mission: Training in rewiring emotional responses, modelling healthy patterns, and embodying empathy, presence, and value-based leadership.
2. Perception of Shared History
Each partner carries a unique emotional narrative of ‘what happened.’
Old wounds create present reactivity if unresolved.
Without shared meaning, the couple becomes two people unaware they are fighting different wars.
Mission: Teach re-authoring the narrative, reframing the past as an asset, and meaning reconciliation.
3. Emotional Patterning
Most responses aren’t chosen — they’re repeated from past pain and outdated life conditions.
These patterns become emotional addictions.
Mission: Introduce the ‘Rewire-Respond-Replace’ model to interrupt destructive emotional habits.
4. Cognitive Filters and Bias
Confirmation, negativity, and emotional biases will distort a person’s reality.
These biases ruin connections and reinforce disconnection loops.
Mission: Reveal cognitive distortions and expand meaning models.
5. Unspoken Rules and Micro-Agreements
Invisible contracts govern behaviour until they explode.
‘They should know by now…’ Assumptions and expectations lead people into low resilience states.
Mission: Support the ‘Agreement Upgrade’ process to clarify and remodel expectations so they are healthy.
6. Emotional State Management
Your emotional default sets the relationship tone from moment to moment.
Emotional leadership is, therefore, a choice.
Mission: Introduce state-switching and emotional design to enhance emotional connection.
7. Repeated Cycles & Power Based Patterns
Criticism vs defensiveness, pursuer vs withdrawer.
Patterns will continue until one person shifts the game.
Mission: Introduce ‘Cycle Mapping’ to trace and interrupt patterns.
8. Identity and Role Confusion
Most switch into patterned identities under marital stress so that they may use parenting, teacher, or professional identities.
Th problem is intimacy dies when the ‘partner self’ is abandoned.
Mission: Define the ‘Success Identity’ as a spouse with values, responses, and leadership mission.
9. Meaning Attribution
Meaning drives response. Misreading leads to distortion and disconnection.
Change the meaning, change the relationship.
Mission: Use ‘Meaning Reset’ scripts and value-based reframing.
10. Drivers, Needs & Expectations
Everyone has unique core emotional drivers. Misunderstanding these creates misalignment.
Most conflict lives in the gap between expectations and reality.
Mission: Use the ‘Driver Discovery Dialogue’ to align values and needs.
11. Masculine & Feminine Energy Dynamics
Attraction is created through polarity. Masculine and feminine energies must be in sync.
Masculine: Purpose, direction, efficiency. Feminine: Connection, feeling, presence.
Attraction dies when both operate from the same pole.
Mission: Teach ‘Energy Shift’ rituals and help each partner reconnect with their core energy.
12. Time, Attention, and Rituals of Connection
Connection is built through small, consistent rituals — not grand gestures.
Lack of attention erodes safety and attraction.
Mission: Introduce ‘Daily Investment Practices’ that keep emotional and sexual connection alive.
13. Forgiveness & Emotional Cleanup
Unresolved resentment is emotional poison.
Couples must emotionally clean the slate before rebuilding.
Mission: Use ‘Resentment Release Practices’ and emotional responsibility exercises.
14. Conflict as Intimacy
Conflict is a form of emotional truth-sharing — not a threat.
Handled well, it creates intimacy.
Mission: Help them with ‘Fighting Fair’ frameworks and ‘Conflict Reset’ protocol.
15. Shared Vision & Legacy Thinking
Relationships thrive when couples move toward a shared future.
What legacy are you building together?
Mission: Help couples design a shared life vision based on values and legacy-level love.
These are some of the changes couples will be blind to when they are looking at solving their problem.
This isn’t the whole list. In addition to these key parts, the strategy for communicating and understanding this is also important for any couple.
Every couple is different, so I will always use different strategies for each person and each couple – there solution has to be tailored.
As you can see, the complexity is significant, but the Marriage Breakthrough Program is designed to simplify the learning into simple steps to get them out of their current situation and into one that helps them move forward.