“If you loved me you’d know” I have heard this in sessions so many times and it’s a significant problem for those couples.
I have to STOP people that do this because they are setting their partner up to fail.
Remember if one person fails they both fail.
You see it really isn’t a mature approach to relationship building so it really belongs in the playground not in a marriage.
Firstly our partners are not mind-readers.
So if you don’t tell your partner what you need how would they ever know?
Secondly what a person needs or expects is specific to that person, everyone is different.
So a normal expectation for one person will not be a normal expectation for another.
What is most interesting for those people who use the sentence (“If you loved me you’d know…”) is when I ask what do they really want when they say this sentence, many discover they don’t know either.
It’s why they put the unfair responsibility of magically knowing on their partner.
Whether they know or not it doesn’t change the position NEVER ask your partner to be a mindreader, help them instead don’t set them up to fail.
Because the problem isn’t the person not knowing their partners’ mind, the bigger problem is when one person purposely sabotages the other.
