My post today was inspired by a comment from Meredith on my post Trust Building in Relationships.
She talks about her struggle with trust issues when building a new life and entering new relationships after a spouse’s infidelity and divorce.
Trust in new relationships can become a real issue, especially if you’ve had a bad experience historically, such as infidelity.
In this situation fears can become triggered automatically and give you feelings of wanting to move you away from the possibility of more emotional danger, so building a new relationship can be full of problems driven by fears.
So you are now stuck, knowing you would love to be in a loving relationship, but too fearful to expose yourself again, because you fear what might happen that’s out of your control.
To cure this problem a different perspective and focus is needed.
When individuals come to me with this kind of problem, I help them focus on what they can control.
The question is can you TRUST you?
Can you trust you to find and create a relationship that will meet your core needs? Proof so far is you have got it very wrong without knowing, so you might repeat this again… this focus will drive more fears…
So the goal is to put you back in control…
You see unless you know how to create a strong, lasting passionate relationship that grows through their problems you will always be concerned and lacking in confidence that you might not be able to trust you to…
- Know who is right for you?
- How to plan and build a relationship?
- How to understand your own needs and communicate them?
- How to understand your partners’ needs?
- How to communicate to him in a way he/she understands?
- How to grow security and more love through conflict?
- How to keep the passion alive and let go of your fears?
Without confidence in your relationship building skills you could feel exposed to more bouts of trial and error that equal real danger.
- You see attraction is easy!
- Falling in love is easy!
- Having a great relationship whilst it’s going well is easy!
But, building a successful relationship through the ups and downs of life, and that stays passionate, now that’s a skill worth mastering….
So the question is not about trusting them, it’s about you trusting you to create the understanding that will help you avoid the pitfalls, that causes problems, that destroys relationships and leads to destructive actions such as infidelity.
That’s the new goal..!
