This dynamic between husband and wife is very common: Wife feels husband doesn’t understand her, she has put up with it for years. She believes he doesn’t love her and so spends time thinking about what a life without him would feel like, (he is unaware of the severity of the problems in the relationship, although she feels she has been very clear about her feelings) but initially she stays with him because of the children.
She knows a time bomb is ticking in their relationship.
She has tried and tried to get through to him, but can’t, he sees this as nagging and being negative, frustrated at his lack of understanding she can communicate aggressively or depending on how long this has gone on for she could have shut down not seeing the point in communicating.
She wants him to be a man, but she feels he is more like one of the children. She feels like she has to look after him emotionally, but that support is not reciprocated.
He communicates his frustration at her lack of care and appreciation of him and the hours he works to support her, but to her this is a sign of weakness and more proof he doesn’t understand. The money means nothing to her, she needs more than money, he doesn’t believe her that the money is unimportant and sees her as selfish. He feels he is just an unappreciated money making machine.
At this point she can feel emotionally numb and detached from her true self. She doesn’t like who she has become with him.
At this point the couple are very disconnected. Intimacy is usually dead and more and more separate outside activities fill their lives. They both search for ways to feel good again, drinking, affairs, friends, parents, children, work all fill the gaps the relationship has left.
She gets to the point where she can’t bear it anymore and so she can decide to either just put up with it (become depressed) or communicate the relationships is over.
If she decides the relationship is over she is usually shocked at the power of his desire to keep her. She felt he didn’t care and now she is confused.
Not wanting to make a mistake they can decide some form of intervention is needed.
If you are experiencing anything like this please get in touch as time is not on your side. So many couples communicate that they wish they have come to see me much earlier.
The sessions help the couple with a new understanding of what’s been going on. Most couples are unaware of each others true perspective and what it takes to make a relationship work.
It’s this education that makes a significant difference in supporting the couple to understand the reality and truth of their relationship. From there they can both decide what feels best for them.
