Is our relationship a mistake… I get many letters from individuals that are frustrated with their relationships because they feel that they have nothing in common with each other and so they think they must now be incompatible.
So have they suddenly lost what they had? Did one of the couple suddenly stop liking something they once shared.
- No, what’s happened is the couple has lost it’s purpose and so the relationship became directionless. All the excitement in the early days such as dating, holidays, weekends away, marriage, houses, babies… and then nothing…!
They stop dating, the sex life starts to die, they feel the passion for each other has left, and every day is becoming predictable and boring and they start to blame each other and the relationship.
They both go to a place of fear where the future not what they imagined where they feel unsafe, unloved, alone. When they go to this place they start to search for proof that all this is true. It’s not long before they find it and so scared they go outside the relationship to get their needs met to protect themselves from this future, not yet ready to leave their partner but prepared for if it happens.
- When this happens the couple feels distant to each other wondering where the love has gone, now sure they have made a mistake.
Where is your partner going to get their needs met now?
All the things they used to get from the relationship now has to be met outside the relationship if they feel they can’t get what they need from you, of course this works both ways .
- So if you want excitement, maybe a now night out with the friends is now more exciting than your partner.
- Maybe you are working more and more, because you feel more valued there than you do at home.
- Maybe you look for love from your children or you family because you don’t get the love you need from your partner.
- Maybe you have felt an attraction to others and secretly want to act upon it. Maybe you have acted and now you regret it.
If you are getting what you need outside the relationship then one, or both of you has stopped doing what worked when you first met. It’s not that you have nothing in common, it because both of you have stopped giving each other what you need to be really happy.
When you first met you gave you partner everything they needed without knowing and because you didn’t know what you did that triggered the love the joy the passion you think you did nothing except just be you.
Because you are still just being you, you are confused as to why the relationship is dying and so you must be incompatible.
If you had the chance would you want to make this right again..?
Stephen Hedger helps couples understand what changes will re-ignite their relationship. Most couples don’t know what changed and they fear the future. If they believe their own hype, they can end their relationship even if they have children. If this is you please get in touch click here
